Hours: Zelda Interviews
by Zeldakid555
Summary: Dan Rather from 48 Hours interviews various Zelda characters!
1. Sakon

48 Hours Special: A Day in the Life of Sakon

Disclaimer: I, Zeldakid555, do not own anything Zelda (screwy little R in a circle thing), or Dan Rather.

Dan Rather: Welcome to tonights 48 hours, we will be interviewing, err... we were supposed to do Bill Gates, but he got called away on important Microsoft (R thingy again) business.

Sakon: That's a nice microphone, may I hold it? (Grabs onto it, attempts to pull it away)

Dan Rather: Get off of me you idiotic thief!!! (Crew member runs out, and manages to pull Sakon off of Dan)

Crew Member: (Injects medicine into Sakon)

Dan Rather: Now Sakon, what do you have to say about these rumors that you steal things? Are you a thief?

Sakon: (to Crew Member) That's a nice clipboard, may I hold it? (Yanks clipboard away, tries to run out door)

Dan Rather: (Tackles Sakon and engages in a brief tug-of-war, in which he is victorious.)

Crew Member: You know what, I quit! (Throws down clipboard, stomps out door)

Sakon: My clipboard, noooooooooooooooooooooo!

Dan Rather: Soooo, Sakon, tell us about your house.

Sakon: I live in it.

Dan Rather: Yes, I guessed that, describe it.

Sakon: It's a place that I inhabit.

Dan Rather: What does it look like?

Sakon: A house.

Dan Rather: Ok........ next question.

Sakon: That's a nice looking tie, may I hold it?

Dan Rather: NO YOU IDIOT!

Sakon: Hmmmmmmmph. (Crosses arms, and looks dissaproovingly at Dan)

Dan Rather: Now, describe your adventures with Link.

Sakon: It's really a quite good house.

Dan Rather: We're past that already, you had your chance.

Sakon: Well, he was about to let me hold his sword, when a strange fire-fly attacked me.

Dan Rather: A fire-fly?

Sakon: My door is a rock.

Dan Rather: But about the fire-fly...

Sakon: It opens when I come up to it.

Dan Rather: Yes I know that!

Sakon: (Folds arms again, mutters "tut tut" while shaking his head slowly)

Dan Rather: (Is pulling hair out, foaming at the mouth)

Sakon: That's a nice pair of pants, may I hold them? (Yanks pants off Dan, reveals bright yellow boxers with Teddy bears on them.)

Dan Rather: Give those back!

Sakon: That's a nice coat and shirt, may I hold them? (After removing those, Dan has nothing on but his boxers and his socks, Sakon was busily removing his shoes.)

Dan Rather: (Is now completely insane) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sakon: (Puts on Dan Rather's clothing, trades his toupee for Dan's.)

Security guard: Hey, is this Sakon idiot insane?

Sakon: (Speaks like Dan) Yes, take him to the mental hospital.

Dan: Gaa, gaa.

Security guard: (Drags Dan away)

Sakon: Goodnight folks, see you next week! (waves cheerfully)+


	2. Postman

48 Hours: Continuing the Interviews

Disclaimer: Same junk as in part one.

Dan Rather: Last week, some of you saw me carted off to the mental hospital, I am completely better. (Goes into a spasm, twitches)

Dan: Now, this weeks guest will be The Postman.

Postman: Hello Nad.

Dan: The name is Dan:

Postman: That's not what I said.

Dan: I know.

Postman: If I didn't say what I didn't not said, why are we arguing?

Dan: Um...... let's start the question and answer segment.

Postman: Can't talk now, it would mess up my schedule Nad!

Dan: Dan!

Postman: That's not what I didn't not say.

Dan: Umm... I'll walk along side you and ask questions, do you like delivering mail?

Postman: Nes.

Dan: ?

Postman: Yo.

Dan: What do you mean?

Postman: Can't talk now, I have a schedule to keep.

Dan: Oh, here's the first mail box. (There's a cow standing beside it)

Postman: (Picks up cow) Oops, someone forgot the stamps.

Dan: I don't think they wanted it mailed....

Postman: They did, it just wouldn't fit in the box.

Kafei: I wanted it mailed, here's a stamp. (Affixes it to the cow's rear, and runs off)

Dan: Ok.............

Postman: My hat is blue.

Dan: No it isn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Postman: Look Nad, I know what color my isn't not mine no not isn't hat isn't not no.

Dan: Err.....................

Postman: Let's go off and deliver this cow to the cliffs of Biffs.

Dan: What cliffs of Biffs? (notices neon sign as big as a roller coaster reading "cliffs and Biffs" and pointing to a very flat plain.

Postman: Those cliffs.

Dan: That's a prairie.

Postman: Suit yourself.

**Back at studio**

Crew Member: I hope Dan doesn't need these special goggles to help him see things that people in Termania can automatically see.....

**Back with Dan & Postman**

Postman: Ok, let's see, careful Nad, don't walk there. (Points to a spot)

Dan: It's DAN!!!!!!!! And I'll walk in this prairie if I want, there's no reason why I shouldn't.

Postman: Suit yourself.

Dan: (Walks over to the spot, begins to fall.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Postman: (To cow) Let's follow him. GEEEEEERRRRRRRRONIMMMMMOOOOOOOO!

Dan: (Smashes into the ground, breaking every bone in his body, and some more that magically appeared just so they could be broken)

Postman: (1/1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 of an inch from the ground, begins to uses the cow as a parachute, and gently touches down.)

Dan: Ohhhh my head.

Postman: Oops. (Drops cow on top of Dan) I'll save you!

Dan: See the little birdies.

**Back at studio**

Crew Member 2: Now why would Dan need some stupid goggles? (Recieves call on cell phone.) Ooooooooooooh, not good.

Crew Member: Ummmmmm...... see you next week folks.   
  
  
  



	3. Grog

48 Hours: Interview #3

Disclaimer: Still the same junk.

Dan: (Is lying in hospital bed, completely wrapped in bandages, and with an IV stand pumping fluids into him) After last weeks disastorous fall, I'm slowly recovering. (Moans loudly)

Dan: Oooh, here's our next guest, Grog!

Grog: (Mumbles something unintelligible)

Dan: This guest looks quite safe.

Grog: I hate you!

Dan: Ooooooook....

Grog: I'm depressed.

Dan: First question, describe how you met Link.

Grog: You're fat and old.

Dan: Hey!

Grog: Link was ugly.

Dan: Huh?

Grog: The world stinks!

Dan: Describe how you met Link.

Grog: I stil hate you!

Dan: Next question then, where'd you get the Bunny Hood?

Grog: Found it.

Dan: Where?

Grog: That's a toupee! (Rips it off Dan's head)

Dan: Give that back, I've already interviewed one thief! (Sighs when Grog eats it)

Grog: It tasted bad!

Dan: Where'd you find the Bunny Hood?

Grog: On the ground.

Dan: Where?

Grog: On the ground.

Dan: WHERE?

Grog: ON THE GROUND!

Dan: Where was it?

Grog: ON THE DARN GROUND!

Dan: Was it at the beach?

Grog: No.

Dan: Canyon?

Grog: No, you ugly noodle.

Dan: Mountains.

Grog: No.

Dan: City, swamp, ranch, field?

Grog: No.

Dan: Where'd you find it then?

Grog: I will use my dark magic to punish you!!!!!!

Dan: (Looks up, a ghostly image in a cloud is there) That's Bob Barker playing the organ with his pet elephant!

Grog: I summon you!

Dan: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Bob Barker, Organ, and Pee-Wee the 25-ton elephant: (Crashes out of sky, slams into already injured Dan, completely demolishing the bed.)

Bob: Goodness gracious, I almost hurt Pee-Wee! (Begins to whack Dan Rather with the organ)

Grog: Return home! (Bob, organ, and Pee-Wee vanish)

Dan: Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, morphine, tylenol, excedrin, aspirin, advil, ibuprofen, bayer, somebody give me something!

Grog: (Sees crew member approaching) Muhaha! (Blasts Crew Member, turning him into a can of French Onion dip.)

Crew Member: I'm tasty!

Grog: (Summons a Hyrulean Bag O' Chips, eats it with the Crew Member)

Crew Member: Thanks for sharing your chips, they were quite tasty.

Dan: Help me!

Grog: You're welcome, shut up you! (Summons a 1000000000000000 ton weight which hovers over Dan)

Dan: Nooooooooooo! (Weight crushes him)

Grog: Want some more chips?

Crew Member: ummmmmmmmm....... see you next week folks, er....... well maybe at least?   
  
  
  



	4. Larymus (???)

48 Hours: Interview #4

Disclaimer: Blah, blah.

Dan: (looks very nervous, gasps when a toilet is carried in)

???: Peace dude, um....... do you have a paper product of some sort?

Dan: Err... have this Kleenex. (hands it to him, and ducks, ready for some sort of attack)

???: Yo man, take a chill pill, ol' Larymus won't hurt you!

Dan: You won't?

Larymus: Nah, that ain't my style.

Dan: Oh good.

Larymus: So, do you have some questions for me?

Dan: Why yes, yes I do.

Larymus: (Unbenownst to Dan, begins to form a plot) Well, ask away.

Dan: Why do you live in the toilet?

Larymus: I feel like it.

Dan: Ok... why don't you bring toilet paper in with you.

Larymus: I don't feel like it. (Reaches out hand, begins to use measuring tape on Dan, all the while muttering.)

Dan: Err....... when did you meet Link?

Larymus: I had gone to the bathroom in my toilet, and needed some paper product, and he gave me a letter.

Dan: Ok..........

Larymus: Is that it?

Dan: One more question, what's it like down there?

Larymus: See for yourself fool! (Grabs Dan's leg, climbs out of the toilet, picks up Dan, stuffs him into toilet and flushes him)

Dan: Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not again!!!!!!!!!!

Larymus: I'm free, I'm free! See 'ya next week, or after, 'cause it took me 10 years to get out, should take Bright Boy a sight longer.   
  



	5. Mido

48 Hours: More Interviews

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this junk, this will be my final disclaimer for the series.

Dan Rather: Well, all in all it hasn't been a very good three months. It took me that long to find my way through the Termania sewage system and came out in Lake Hylia. We will continue to do Zelda interviews, though I STRONGLY protested. Well, wouldn't you if in the first four interviews: you were sent to a mental institution, tricked into walking off a cliff, had Bob Barker, an organ, and Bob's elephant fall on you, and be flushed down a toilet! Whew, anyway, I'll be interviewing Mido.

Mido: Hey Dan. (Along with his normal clothes, has on a white baseball cap)

Dan: Hey Mido, what's with the cap?

Mido: Having a bad hare day. (Pulls a rabbit out of his hat, bows while applause is played in the background.)

Dan: (chuckles) Really Mido, what is with the cap?

Mido: I really did get a bad haircut. (Removes hat, shows an almost bald Mido, with long hair in some spots)

Dan: You're the first guest to ever be having a bad hair day, oh deer me.

Bambi: You called?

Dan: Oops, I meant dear.

Mido: (Slowly begins to draw out a small, wooden bow with quiver.)

Bambi: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Attacks Mido, but in blind rage begins to savage Dan Rather.)

Dan: Ouch, I hate these interviews!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mido: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs out the door as fast as he can)

Bambi: Mama?

Crew: Err......... see ya next week folks.


	6. Ganondorf

48 Hours: Interviews Galore!

Dan Rather: Welcome to this weeks episode of 48 Hours: The Zelda Interviews. Last week Bambi went on a rampage here, maybe this weeks guest will be a little calmer. I do hope so.

Ganondorf: Don't count on it! Muhaha!

Dan: Ok........ describe your relationship with Link.

Ganondorf: He is an annoying mosquito, but I will swat him eventually!

Dan: Would you say that you're "pals"?

Ganondor: Pal this! (Whips out triforce, creates a dark wind which sucks Dan's toupee into it.)

Dan: Ok......... what do you feel about being stuck in another dimension?

Ganondorf: Dimension this! (Draws sword, slashes Dan's suit to pieces, revealing once again Dan's bright yellow with teddies boxers.)

Dan: What inspired you to evil?

Ganondorf: (Breaks down in tears) My mother! I was never good enough for her, and whenever I tried to "hook" a sweet she whacked me with a stick. Boo-hoo-hoo. (Continues to sob for a very long time)

Dan: There, there it's ok. (Gingerly pats Ganondorf on back) We've arranged for you to talk to a psychiatrist.

Ganondorf: NOOOOOOOO! I AM GANONDORF, FEEL MY WRATH! (Begins to fire balls of lightning at Dan)

Shrink: Vouldn't you like to valk about your veelings?

Ganondorf: AAAAHHHH! Feelings this "Doc"! (Cracks whip on Shrink and Dan)

Dan: Um..... help somebody.

Ganondorf: MUAHAHAHAHA! I WILL NOW CONQUER THE WORLD, NAY THE UNIVERSE!

Ganondorf's Ma: Are you disbehaving again, don't make me send you to your room!

Ganondorf: Yes mommy.

Dan: Thanks!

Ganondorf's Ma & Ganondorf: Thanks this! MUHAHA!

Ganondorf's Ma: Now we can conquer the world! (They exit, and a crew member holds up a sign that says "till next week")   
  
  



	7. Zelda

48 Hours: Zelda Interviews (More)

Dan Rather: Well, after disastrous results in my previous Hyrule interviews, I hope that I will escape this one unscathed. By next week, I'll be in Clock Town again, for some more interviews there. Welcome this week's guest: Princess Zelda.

Zelda: Hey Dan!

Dan: Welcome Princess, how are you doing?

Zelda: Just fine Dan, do you have some questions for me?

Dan: Yes I do, here's the first question: Describe how you met Link.

Zelda: Well, Ganondorf was up to his shennanigans, and I was spying on him. I had a dream you see, of a dark man, and of a cheese vendor coming to me.

Dan: A cheese vendor?

Zelda: Yes I was dissappointed when Link showed up, but I pretended to have dreamed that he would come.

Dan: I s-

Zelda: The loser, I have been disgraced by him, why wasn't I invited to Clock Town, everyone else was!

Dan: Are you upset?

Zelda: Of course I am you simpleton!! My agent and I practically lived by the phone for three months waiting for a call inviting me to participate in the game!

Dan: And no call came?

Zelda: Oh it came alright, but it was inviting my poodle,Fifi, to be one of the dogs at the Doggie Race Track.

Dan: And what did you say?

Zelda: I said no, but my little princess leaped into the air and BIT me, and barked a yes into the phone. My dog was in the game, but not me!

Dan: I see.

Zelda: The whole dang series is named after me, and I wasn't even invited.

Dan: Hmmm.... Welcome tonight's other guest, Fifi.

Zelda: Oh be careful Dan, she doesn't like strangers very much.

Fifi: (Barks at Dan)

Dan: Umm...... (Backs slowly away)

Fifi: (Leaps at Dan, begins ripping flesh from Dan's throat)

Zelda: Oh look, she loves you, she instantly kills the ones she doesn't like.

Dan: HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Zelda: Oh come here, my little darling. No not you Dan, Fifi.

Fifi: (Trots over to Zelda, cuddles with her, licks her nose)

Dan: Tu n ext ee olks. (collapses)   
  



End file.
